Story Of Nee

Depression

2011-12-25T23:37:00.003+08:00

Will I be depress the whole life?
When can I get a smile back to my life?
What I need to do to overcome the evil and the abusive mental?

I am tired, restless, and weak at this point of time...
Please give me some strength

曖昧

2011-07-27T00:24:00.000+08:00

曖昧讓人受盡委屈
找不到相愛的證據
何時該前進　何時該放棄
連擁抱都沒有勇氣

只能陪你到這裡　畢竟有些事不可以
超過了友情　還不到愛情
遠方就要下雨的風景

到底該不該哭泣　想太多是我還是你
我很不服氣　也開始懷疑
眼前的人　是不是同一個　真實的你

＊曖昧讓人受盡委屈
　找不到相愛的證據
　何時該前進　何時該放棄
　連擁抱都沒有勇氣

　曖昧讓人變得貪心
　直到等待失去意義
　無奈我和你　寫不出結局
　放遺憾的美麗　停在這裡＊

一半

2011-07-24T23:45:00.001+08:00

喝酒的伴一起看電影的伴
早午晚餐的那個伴
朋友不能留得太晚明天要上班
唱K的伴一起去旅行的伴
聽懂我的笑話的伴
我的生活只差那個人就美滿

快樂少一人分享快樂就只剩一半
喝一碗湯
心怎麼都不夠暖
這張被單這張睡床
再舒服都覺得太寬
沒人分享幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填滿
節日卻提醒我孤單

沒有想法有想法又能怎樣
只能寫部落格整晚
幾個留言安慰不了心裡的遺憾
沒有負擔原來也是種負擔
自由多得讓人心慌
你羨慕我那要不要跟我交換

Lonely Night

2011-07-17T00:25:00.003+08:00

Loneliness can kill someone
Especially when the night has come
Time pass so slowly like you are the only one
I just want to shut down
As I don't want the night to come

Can't figure out if I 'can' pass another day and night
Can't figure out if I 'want' to pass another day and night
When the day is here I'm afraid of the coming night
When the night is here I'm afraid of not seeing day

原來愛情這麼傷

2011-07-17T00:14:00.001+08:00

我睜開眼睛卻感覺不到天亮
東西吃一半莫名其妙哭一場
我忍住不想時間變得更漫長
別與你有關否則又開始胡思亂想
我日月無光忙得不知所以然
找朋友交談其實全幫不上忙
以為會習慣有你在才是習慣
你曾住在我心上　現在空了一個地方
原來愛情這麼傷　比想像中還難
淚水總是不聽話幸福躲起來不聲不響
太多道理太牽強道理全是一樣

說的時候很簡單愛上後卻陣腳大亂
只想變的堅強强到能夠去忘
無所謂悲傷只要學會抵抗
原來愛情是這樣這樣峰迴路轉
淚水明明流不乾瞎了眼還要再愛一趟
有一天終於打完思念的一場戰
回過頭再看一看
原來愛情那麼傷
下次還會不會這樣

To The Top Floor

2011-06-12T22:35:00.003+08:00

Finally, I've shifted my stuffs to the top floor. A bit of privacy at last. I can have naked shower, windows to the outer world, wind blowing, stars viewing. Thanks dad for helping with the bed.

Europe Trip

2008-09-27T13:50:00.002+08:00

Business Trip in September 2008. It's different this time. I don't visit the place as a tourist but as a local people staying in Germany and working in Switzerland. A wonderful and peaceful experience for my first time.

A relaxing weekend in Germany. Staying in a beautiful house located by a big green field. With fresh air, good weather and beautiful scenery. A house that is built and designed creatively.

First floor:
- 2 office equipped with pcs, stationaries and other office equipment.
- a retreatment/ well being room; for taichi and qi kung (it's very suitable for yoga and meditation as well)
- a theater room; with latest 3d sound system and a very very large screen.
- an exit to the beautiful garden; with relaxing couch and verandah. A pool with natural ice cooling water, flowers, trees and grass.

Second Floor:
- Guest room. I sleep here without any problem. Comfortable ..
- TV room; with large red sofa and a big flat screen TV set.
- Living room; with large black sofa set; sun shine through large window glass.. brightly light up
- Open kitchen concept and dining room

Third Floor:
- Private rooms with bath tub, sauna, laundry and room equipped with exercise equipment.

Breakfast with the most delicious bread, tea and choc milk. Spent my weekend working and a Harley drive in the afternoon. The rides is relaxing with wonderful scenery and cooling weather.
Visited the 'downtown' which is small, peaceful but full with friendly nice neighborhood.

Ride in a sexy and dangerous Audi convertible to work on weekdays is really wonderful experience. Crossing the border between Germany and Switzerland is never a hassle. Never a problem and both countries are the just wonderful staying close next to each other.

The best cheese fondue is here in Switzerland. Taste shockingly nice! And the best Swiss chocolate is just next door. Everything just taste as good.

A good ride to Luzerne on my last day with beautiful scenery although not able to see the Alps. But every experience I had is nothing that I can forget. Merci...

Discovering MySelf

2008-08-21T13:28:00.004+08:00

"Ironically ironic. A little emotional but I'm a clear thinker. I don't like change but I'm adventurous. I'm indecisive because I'm a careful decision makers. Artistically artistic. I love to enjoy and create beautiful things."

This statement was taken from a horoscope website about a Libra's personality. I dont' think I trust things like horoscope, tarot, palm reading or stuff like that but I'm very curious on how other people or resource around the world talks about something related to myself. Not that I care what people say or think but the fact is I'm trying to discover myself. At certain points, I'm really as how it is being describe as a typical Libra. At other times, I'm just some nuts and weird stuff where no body or even myself could recognize.

Back at Home

I like a place where it is belong to myself. Size does not matter. A little space that is belong to myself. Comfortable with little furniture, mirrors to look at myself, windows to look at others, internet to look at the world. Fictions and novels to read others thoughts and imaginaries. Food and fruits to keep me healthy and energetic. Little wine to make me warm and easy.

I don't like mess. Messy table, room and wardrobe. I will took a deep breath and clean them all, sort things out and arrange accordingly. But in fact I have a messy room now that I don't like but didn't bother to clean them. I like cooking and food. But I didn't bother to cook. I like decorating house and be my own interior designer but I don't bother to take care of them.

I don't like crashing opinion with others, I don't like argument, I don't like doing things and living because of others. I will be procrastinating like what mentioned above when things and spaces available is nothing for myself. I stop to bother and leave it for others.

Back at Work

I don't like sitting in the working space without works to do. I will concentrate and do my best in every work assigned because I don't like failure. Success is very important for me to keep me motivated and move on. I like myself to proceed to next level and not stopping at where ever I should not be. I don't like routine job. I'll be bored and demotivated. I'm afraid of new task as I'm not confidence enough. Things needs to balance out in between.

Back at Relationship

Relationship with love ones, parents, siblings or any human being that I have came across in my life. I never like argument but I always have my own thinking and opinion that I might not tell. I need a lots of love but sometimes I can be very stubborn. I looks strong but I'm just the most vulnerable creature in the world.

Back to Work

2008-08-18T10:11:00.004+08:00

The mobile phone's alarm strike off at 7am. I put it into snooze for 10 minutes and continue to sleep. Alarm strike off again 10 minutes later, and again and again for a few more times. I'm still laying on my bed. The phone fall down under the bed at last. With all my strength trying to safe it, I hurt my wounds. The pain wakes me up.

A lazy shower help to wake me up a little. Changing into something that looks like a working clothes, i then drag my laptop down to have breakfast. It taste like another boring breakfast that I used to have.

Driving along the familiar highway, listen to the channel that I used to listen. The parking still looks empty. Maybe I'm a bit early. Walking slowly down the streets crossing towards the building. Damn, the lift is out of service as usual. I walked up the stairs slowly.

With some pain feeling and out of breath, I'm seated down at my working space. Nothing has changed, only some dust, letters and documents left on my desk. Clearing them and I start to get my laptop for work.

It's good to see my working mates again. No one changed. They are still the same. Need to get some work and get myself busy again. Something is not so right but I need to tune back to my normal life.

Post - Operation (Part 3)

2008-08-06T15:54:00.005+08:00

Many people came to visit in the late evening with flowers, cute teddy bear and chicken essence. They are very concern and asking my conditions. I chat with them, talk a little but I can hardly move because I still have the tube on my left for the drips and right with another tube out from one of the operation hole. The tube connected to a container collecting 'dirty' bloods after operations.

After everyone has left, I continue to sleep. The nurse came in to take my temperature and blood pressure again. She then helps me to the toilet. I don’t really want to move but she insists that I must pass urine. With my condition, I fainted in the toilet. There’s a few more nurses came in to help. They dragged me to a wheel chair and push me out. To wake me up, they keep calling my name. I did not respond. I open my eyes a bit after I feel them shaking me.

As I rested on my bed, I heard the lady beside requested to transfer into a single room. I don’t know why but maybe my cough disturbed her. The bed next to me is empty again...

Doctor came to visit twice a day. One in the morning and another in the evening. And he scares me at one time where he came in 12 midnight which I don't expect at all. I recovered pretty fast. I mean without much things to do just laying on the bed. I don't feel pain. Peoples only visited me for the first 2 days. I was pretty bored for the rest few days. I only talked to the doctor and nurses. Had some phone calls and sms.

Discharged on the 5th day. So happy that I can go back to home...

Still need to see the doctors several time for post-treatment and medication.

During - Operation (Part 2)

2008-08-05T18:41:00.003+08:00

I heard the doctor saying....

"How can I operate this sweet lady? Look at her, she has small hands and small feet. Her stomach looks nice without any holes, except the belly button. Too bad....nurse get me that drill. I need the screwdriver as well. Now she has another 3 holes on her stomach! Awesome...."

The above is never true of course. During the operation, I'm dead or i was sleeping without any notice. I'm wondering if I ever breath, move my fingers or sneeze. But the extra 3 holes on my stomach is real thing!

Pre - Operation (Part 1)

2008-08-04T00:20:00.011+08:00

I had a good sleep after came back from the trip. The next day, I packed another bag. Something simple. Just 2 sets of clothing and some books. I get admitted to the hospital at 4pm. I got a double bed room where I supposed to share with another patient. There’s no one there when I went in.

The nurse gave me some briefing on how to use the remote control for bed, TV, Emergency, On Off Light, etc.. She also gave me a set of towels and patient’s wear. There’s another desk and 2 chairs next to my bed. The TV was opposite the bed on a shelf. With a mirror a wardrobe and a safe box in it.

I put my money and other valuables in the safe box and throw my bag into the cabinet. Without much things to do, I rest on the bed and pressing on the TV remote. Nothing interests me, then I turned to read ‘Norwegian Wood’ that I brought. After sometimes, a nurse came in. She is taking my temperature and blood pressure. I remember that the doctor says I need to be monitored before the operation.

Dinner was served at 6pm. The food is really bad. It’s tasteless. I ate a few scoop of rice and leave it a side. I then changed into the clothing for patient. I remember that I bought some facial scrubs. Without many things to do, I did some scrub and brush my teeth. Didn’t realize that the doctor will come and visit me on that night, he came in looking for me. Didn’t see me on the bed, he then asked where am I to the nurse that accompany him. Quickly I wash my face and step out from the toilet.

“Doctor, I’m here…you looking for me?”

“ Are you alright? Are you able to sleep tonight?”

“ Should be alright”

“You can get sleeping pills from the nurse”

“I thought I want to read some books”

"It's OK. You can read. In case you cannot sleep, just let the nurse know"

He went off after that. He may think that I’m nervous. Maybe I am but I’m not thinking about the operation yet. I continue to read my book.

Freaking scary ...

Suddenly I heard a voice . Sounds like ..hhmmm… sounds like a women next to my bed. . There’s a curtain that separated our bed. I’m very sure there’s no one next to me but it sounded very near. I was chilled for a while. Suddenly my hair all standing up as I thought about ghost stories in the hospital. But then I ignore and continue to read my book.

Amazingly, the bed in the hospital is very comfortable, so I decided to sleep at 11.30pm. Nurse came in a few times while I was asleep. They continue to take my temperature and blood pressure. In between, there’s a lady who just delivered, came into the room and take up the second bed next to me. She was escorted by a few nurses.

The next morning. I woke up at about 6am. The nurse just left, so I decided to wake up and prepare myself. I took a shower, brush my teeth and wash my face. Another nurse came in to take my blood for testing. They are preparing me for the operation as well. I was not supposed to eat anything from 12am onwards, so there’s no breakfast for me. The morning is busy with the hospital staffs starting their routine. Nurses came in to change bed sheet. Cleaners came in to sweep the floor and empty the dustbin. Another nurse came in and ask me to take some kind of medicine.

Slightly Nervous ...

I was transferred to another bed and they brought me in to the operation area at 9.30 am. The feeling is really weird and strange being pushed and escorted by a few nurses. I started to feel nervous once I’m out from the room. I passed by a few corridors, entered into a lift, and then passed by a few more corridors. There were many peoples around everywhere. They were looking at me, as if there is something serious happened to me. I even saw someone that is familiar. I think she is my schoolmate. She is staring at me but I can’t recall her name.

Damn Nervous ...

They put me at the waiting area. The nurse started to put the dripping (glucose) to my left hand. It’s painful when she injects and pushes the dripping hole to my hand. A few more nurses came to me and confirm some details. Another doctor came introducing herself as.. I forgotten her name. She is the anesthesia’s doctor. After going through some details, they push me into the operation theater. Transfer me to a smaller bed. That’s the operation bed. With lots of spotlights above and me being surrounded with equipments as well. There were almost 7 to 8 operation staffs in the room. They were busy preparing the equipment and other stuffs. But I have yet to see my doctor that is going to operate me.

Started with anesthesia’s process. The anesthesia doctor said she will put me to sleep. Inject something into the dripping hole and that is so painful. At the same time, the other nurse put me into some gas inhalation. I don’t like that and I push it away. I was coughing. The doctor said it’s ok if I don’t like it. I asked her if I would still be sleeping if not inhaling that gas. Before I can hear any reply... I was black out. It’s really fast. I thought to myself….I mean after I awake.

After a few seconds ... (in real, after more than 3 hours)....

Not sure if they did something to wake me up. I was a little conscious. Not knowing what’s happening. The nurse look at me and said “The operation is over! You are alright!”. She said that twice to me and she is kind of shouting to make sure I heard her. I was so blur and as I’m half conscious, I had difficulty breathing and there’s lots of phlegm inside my throat. The nurse told me that is normal because they put in a tube inside my throat to help me breathing during the operation. It will make my throat a little uncomfortable.

I realized I was still in the operation theatre. They brought me back to my room after a while. I was transferred slowly back to my bed. I continue to sleep after that, as I was helpless. No energy, can hardly move and back to unconscious mood.

Girls Trip - Redang 08!

2008-07-25T17:19:00.008+08:00

Only able to sleep for 1 hour, I woke up at 3.30am , taking a quick shower and changed into 3 quarter pants and a t-shirt. Without breakfast, I rushed downstairs with my bag and get dad to drive me out. On the way to SooGuan's house, I have to pick up the 2 princess (Kimmy and Amber) that happened to live nearby. We met up with Lilee and off we go to the airport. It was raining quite heavily on the way..

Jen was waiting desperately in the airport as she arrived earlier. We check in after meeting with Jen. Finally, after a few hours we arrived Reef at 11am. Checking out our room that's going to fit all the 6 girls. It looks alright and I took the single bed that is near the entrance. They shared the rest among 5 of them.

With my bag that has been packed with almost anything. I had everything from 3 sets of bikinis, make up sets, facial care products, lotions, sun block, foods, hair dryer, books, clothes, medicine..etc. I took out my bikinis and hesitate on which one I should wear, i picked up the roxy pink 1 piece swimwear. I'm the first that has changed into the swimwear as the rest are still wondering and don't know what they are doing.

After lunch, we were preparing ourself to the first snorkeling session to the Marine Park. We were brought to the other side of to beach as the boat can't reach the front part of the resort. As I'm still not sure who is the staff of the resort, this guy came to me and said, this way.. the boat is over there. So we went with him. He talks a lot as we were walking. After a lot of introduction of himself (*Jeff), finally i know that he is not the staff and he is just one of the visitors. But he is a regular tourist so he is familiar with the place.

We were in the water of Marine Park, everyone are ready to snorkel and look at what's left in the park..haha..as most of the coral are dead on the surface. If we were to go diving, we will see much more stuffs. Amber was sticking to SooGuan. As this was her first time, she is very nervous. Looks like she has a phobia or something. She keep putting up her hand for surrender even though her feet standing on the sand and the water is only on her waist. One of the uncle and the staff came over to help. While she is being taken care of, we were brought by this little guy to look around the Marine Park.

Has great tea time after that. We were asking what's the plan after tea time. *An Chuan kor kor finished work at 5pm. He hesitate a bit and agree to bring us to look for Baby Shark. It was at the other side of the beach. It's amazing that we really met with the sharks and all 3 of them. 2 smaller baby sharks and another bigger. It was amazing as we saw a lot more other fish.

We gave a surprise to SooGuan as her birthday just passed a day before. Bought a piece of cake at Laguna cafe. Took some pictures and went for a night walk at the beach after that. Met with *Jeff again. He talks to me for a while. Tonight is his last night and he will be going back the next morning. He get my number and will call to see where we will be going later so that he can join. He regret not to snorkel with us on the Marine Park as he can bring and show us something interesting. He and the group were brought away to some other places.

Visiting Laguna, and then a drink at the other cafe...and dance at the party. Some beach life stories from *An Chuan.. had more drinks then we went back to the room.. but instead of sleeping, some of us went finding Nemo. It was amazing that we found Nemo's house, we saw the baby, the sisters, brothers and apparently the parents as well. Went to sleep after the successful finding. Trying to sleep, but it was noisy upstairs with all the foot steps. People chit chatting and shouting next door. Hmm... we just sleep a bit and wake up at 6am. Trying to catch the sunrise. Went to the cafeteria..as we were told that's the place to see sunrise. But unfortunately, the sun were hiding behind some clouds...nothing can be seen. After breakfast we prepared for another round of snorkeling.

Almost all of us were washed out by this snorkeling session as the wave is a bit rough that morning. I was drunk in the sea as the mask is not working right and the wave hits me hard. I requested to go on board the boat. And it was worst as the board were shaking left and right. We decided to stay at the resort in the afternoon and do something else instead snorkeling.

*An Chuan brought out his set of mahjong. Without any experience at all, I was seated next to Kimmy learning together. Playing together with Amber and SooGuan, they are expert and Jen was advising me and Kimmy. That's lots of fun...haha. We went to the beach in the evening. Amber and Kimmy are stealing some white sands back home...haha...they filled up the little bottle as souvenir. I went for swimming class in the sea. After that, Amber and myself went climbing up the rock behind the resort. The view was fantastic up there. We took some photos and then prepare for dinner. After dinner, we mix with this group of peoples who make noise next door. We play cards and had some drinks..they are crazy but fun.

We packed our bags and waiting to check out the next morning. More photos were taken... and we hang out a bit at KT Chinatown while waiting for the plane.

It's a great and amazing trip. Thanks to the girls although some said that I force them :) Great memories with...
- sunbathing
- bikinis
- snorkeling
- sandy beach
- baby sharks
- nemo
- mahjong
- swimming in the sea
- crazy gals
- crazy guys

Singapore

2008-07-14T10:33:00.002+08:00

One week after i came back from the U.S, I'm busy preparing for my Singapore business trip. It has a lot more to do this time. Preparation for the events and presentation. Arrangement for the venue, appointment with customer and setting up offices in Singapore.

Hotels are fully booked for accommodation. There's big event in Singapore on the same week, so we decided to stay in a service apartment. It looks good with internet access. It has good food opposite the apartment as well.

It's carnival sale in Singapore, managed to grab a pair of shoes, a bag and some clothings. Had a very nice dinner at Tapas Tree at Clark Quay by the Riverside on our last night.

In my opinion Singapore is a lot more structured then KL. Cleaner, less pollution and transport are much more convenience. Most importantly i feel safe walking out there at night. Back here in KL, I feel miserable even though walking out there in broad day light.

I can see myself going more to Singapore.... soon

U.S Trip

2008-07-14T10:20:00.002+08:00

I left for business trip to the U.S after getting married for 3 weeks. Most people thought that I'm going for honey moon. But it's not. I'm traveling with one of my colleague. But we went off separately when arrived in the U.S

In fact, I love it very much to be traveling alone. Exploring the different culture in each of the places that I've been. Without going into details on the trip (probably details in my next post), it's really a good experience. I stop by New York for 2 days, 8 days in Boston and another week in San Diego. It's 3 weeks in total.

It's really fun and amazing. Met with some interesting peoples along the way as well. Looking forward to my next business trip..

Where have you been?

2008-07-14T10:07:00.002+08:00

Technically, I'm married...It has been for about 3 months. There are lots of preparations before hand. There should be a lot of preparation I mean, things has been escalated to other persons as I don't feel like coordinating it myself.

I did what I've told to do. Complete them and attend my own wedding on my WEDDING DAY. It's kind of fun to be the center of attention for that very special day. But people may just forgot about you once they have gone back the following day. For me it's just a show... to tell people that we are getting married, to show them how lovely we are and how beautiful or good looking our spouse is.

If I were to get married again, I don't mean it... I said IF.... things will be really different. I want something that can really leave a good memory to my only wedding. I don't need to spend lots of money, don't have to invite lots of peoples that I don't know, no procedure, no rules and regulations, no argument. Only peace, happiness and everlasting memory. Always stick to the rules as LOVE WITH NO CONDITIONS.

Happy 'Rat' Year...2008!

2008-02-08T00:34:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year to everyone. Just drop by and see if I still remember my password into the blogger.com

Another hectic year with lots of works, stress and everything...Enjoy life@!

Are you a 'Humble' Person?

2007-05-30T10:38:00.001+08:00

According to www.dictionary.com, 'humble' means..

"not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful"

I definitely agree with the definition of the word 'humble' above. In my opinion, staying 'humble' also does not mean you are being low confidence. Although how high you climb or how successful you are, staying humble is the way for you to continue climbing your success. Also not over confidence of your thoughts and action. It's definitely an attitude problem when someone cannot accept advise or criticism from the rest. Being too confined in his own thoughts.

How Are You?

2007-05-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

It has been about half a year that i didn't post up anything. Many things happened in between. There's up and down. Without going into details. Appreciate what you have currently especially your precious life. Do not think of something stupid that can harm yourself and people who care for you a lot.

Stuffing Myself

2007-01-10T13:57:00.000+08:00

I'm having a presentation to a main customer later in the evening. I find that I don't feel good if i'm starving. So instead of starving i'm stuffing myself with food. I tend to finish up 2 buns, a large curry puff and a chicken pie. On top of that I make myself a maggie cup noodles and a cup of oat cereal drinks. These is not necessary but i felt so cold in the office that i'm shivering.

While eating i'm going through the slides over and over again. What to do...i'm not a good presenter by nature. I'll get nervous in front of big crowds and sometimes speechless. I can't think if i'm too hungry or feeling cold. So might as well get myself prepared!

What makes you sad.....

2006-12-08T23:29:00.000+08:00

(1) Friend who likes you very much starts to avoid you.

(2) Friends who don't reply your sms, msn, or emails.

(3) 3 close companions: 2 became couple, 1 starts avoiding.

(4) There's only 11% increase in you salary.

(5) Mum's face turn green when trying to catch up with us for shopping in the wee hour.....she is getting old.

(6) Dad's walking to work without any transport.

(7) Stay at home on Friday night...Saturday night...Sunday night

(8) Having dinner alone at a restaurant.

(9) Can't fall asleep though you are tired and sleepy.

(10) No one to call for outing though you have hundreds of contacts in the phone list.

(11) Stuck in the jam when you are rushing for an important meeting.

(12) Cry when you see your credit card monthly billing.

Happy Birthday to me.....

2006-10-22T16:17:00.000+08:00

20th October: Today is my birthday! happy birthday to me....happy birthday to me....happy birthday to me....happy birthday to meeeee........

Not really celebrating. I bought a cake home for my family. Since we don't practice celebrating special days, they don't know it's my birthday until they saw the writing on top of the cheese cake 'Happy Birthday to Peinee'...hehe....

Received some smses....those sms wishes are from the very same persons every year. In fact, some might have forgotten. No present this year...but a good 'memory'.

It's not the same anymore....those were the days. I used to received lots of presents, calls and flowers. Not anymore now, maybe age is cathing up...haha. But it's not important any more. As long I'm happy of who I am and live life happily.

Happy Birthday!

A Day of My Working Life

2006-08-03T14:13:00.000+08:00

Received a last minute call, required me to attend a meeting in KL late evening. Looking out the windows, suddenly it started to rain heavily. Shaking my head, I start to do some preparation with the laptop. After some installation and testing, off I went to get my car. Amazingly the moment I step out the office, rain stop and the sky returning to as clear as before.

Still feeling miserable on why I’m needed in the meeting, I’m already seated at one corner of the meeting table projecting my laptop screen. Since I’m not one of the project team for this, the discussion was not going through my brain. I just blinked my eyes and nod my head as gestures that I’m actually listening and understood.

It’s my turn to do some demonstration, just a simple ones…a few click to finish off what they want to see. I’m just here to help out, this helping out needs me to stay like 3 hours for a few clicks of demo in that freezer room.

Just wondering, no one ever ‘help out’ in the project that I’m rushing at the moment. But I’m too lenient to have my precious time helping out others. Thinking of the time line I had for my own project, I dragged my laptop out of the room right after it ended. Thought going back to office to continue my work, but checking out the time which is 830pm, I decided to go back home. Feeling hungry, I’m biting a ‘rotiboy’ and sipping a box of chocolate milk while driving back home.

Restless......

Invinsible Boss

2006-07-26T12:16:00.000+08:00

Due to work, I need to travel to Hanoi Vietnam for some project meetings. I went.......with my boss.
As his staffs, we all know him very well. Since this is my first time going abroad with him, I was advised by colleague to make sure he remember the date and time of our flight departure.

I reminded him the day before and handed him the flight tickets. Since our flight schedule is in the morning 815am....I gave my boss a morning call when I'm in the KLIA Express on the way to the airport.

6.3am
Me: Morning boss, I'm about to reach KLIA. Just to give you a morning call.....are you still sleeping or something?

Boss: Hehe...DON'T WORRY you won't be going to Hanoi alone ..... I wake up already. On my way to airport too. See you later.
(...how i wish that i can go alone without him)

I proceed to the boarding gate when it's about the time. While waiting to go on board, I'm scanning for my boss in the waiting area. I don't see him. So I thought, it should be fine, there's still another 10 minutes.

When there is an announcement for final call and when everyone already go on board, I decided to call him.

Me: Boss, where are you? Final call already.

Boss: I'm just outside the gate. I have important call ...price negotiation with customer for the xx project. DON'T WORRY..... you go in first. I see you in the plane.

I went on board the plane and look for nice seat that I have reserved online. Not long after that, there's announcement from the pilot saying that the plane will take off soon, still waiting for the last passenger. I thought that must be my boss.

I still don't see my boss when the plane start taking off! He suppose to sit next to me. But I don't see him! So I thought for myself of the possibilities of reasons why i'm not seeing him in the plane.

- probably he changed the seat when checking in, he might be somewhere in the plane
- probably he changed his mind, he has to stay for the price nego
- probably he is not even outside the gate, he is late! as usual....that's why he can't make it
- probably he set me up....he wants me to face the problem customer all alone in Hanoi

When I reach Changi airport for transit, I still don't see my boss. So, it's confirmed that he is not in the plane. Because the transit time is very rush, I do not have time to make phone calls. After 3 hours, I reached NoiBai airport in Hanoi. Still feeling miserable on what's happen to my boss, I on my mobile trying to make some calls.

Mobile on....

SMS from boss: Due to technical reason, I was arranged to take MAS air flight. Will reach about the same time as you. See you in Hanoi airport.

Feeling a bit relief, he called.

Boss: I knew you just arrived. I'm already in the airport. Will wait for you at the luggage area welcoming you.

So I met my boss in Hanoi instead KL.

Me: So what happened? What technical problem?

Boss: Hehe....they don't let me in. I was still talking on the phone outside the gate....and they closed it. I requested to go but they don't let. So, I ask the staff to talk to the pilot. It's not my faults, I already checked in my luggage, there's no reason why they don't let me in. They should wait for me.

Me: It's printed on your ticket clearly says the gate will closed 10 minutes before and they've already made final call. What the pilot says?

Boss: Pilot says can't delay the flight because it's peak hour. So the staff arrange other plane for me...which is better. It's a direct flight I don't have to transit. You know, I seriously thinks there's some problem with their management. They should know which passenger has checked in the luggage and not on board yet. This is security purposes, what if I checked in a timely bomb? The bomb will go to Hanoi without the culprit.

Me: Yeah rite...somehow the culprit still manage to arrive the destination.

Boss: Yea.....there's always a miracle. That's why I say "DON"T WORRY"...

Strangers...

2006-07-18T11:21:00.000+08:00

Received SMSes from a stranger....(+6016348xxxx)

SMS 1
“Assalama olaycum. Dear, how r u? It’s ali. Yesterday I bought mob & got ur no. inside. If u don’t mind can we be a good friends? I’m 25y old. Hope u will reply. THX”

SMS 2
“Infact, I don’t want to make hurt or sad. I’m sorry if I disturbe u. I’m alone in Malaysia so that’s why I sms u. I wish if I have any friend to shear feelings.”

SMS 3
“Profashnaly I’m computer engineer & I have finished my studies in university. How about u friend? May I know u? I think I have hurt u. Pls don’t be angry.”

SMS 4
“Ok, never mind. Always take care ur self. God bless u. I will wait for ur reply every day & I will happy to receive ur msg.”

My Reply after SMS 4
“I’m sorry. Don’t think I can help u. Stop spamming my inbox. Thanks”

I want to Dance........

2006-06-27T18:00:00.000+08:00

I've watched this movie 'Take The Lead'...

Excerpt from www.cinemaonline.com.my

The sexy Antonio Banderas stars in "Take the Lead", a drama inspired by an inspirational Manhattan dance teacher and competitor, Pierre Dulaine. Antonio plays Pierre, whose unwavering commitment and dedication slowly convinces the inner-city high school students at the detention centre about the value of his programme. In fact, they even combine Pierre's original style with their own personal hip hop style and energy. Both teacher and students, in the end, share with each other, valuable lessons about pride, respect and honour

I like it so much and at the same night I watch another dance movie "Dirty Dancing". The movies motivate me to dance again..........."Shall we dance?"

My Cubicle

2006-06-26T17:22:00.000+08:00

The lyrics to the song to be sung in the tune of “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt
I love this song, the lyrics show exactlywhat most of the working peoples facing...

My job is stupid,
My day’s a bore,
Inside this office,
From 8 to 4.
Nothing ever happens,
My life is pretty blank,
Pretending that I am working,
Pray I don’t get canned.
My cubicle, my cubicle,
It’s 1 of 62,
It’s my small space,
In a crowded place,
Just a six by six board booth,
And I hate it, that’s the truth.
When I give a sigh,
As the boss walks by,
No one ever talks to me,
Or looks me in the eye,
And I really should work,
But instead I just sit here,
And surf the internet.
And my cubicle, my cubicle,
It doesn’t have a view,
It’s my small space,
In a crowded place,
I sit inside there too,
And sometimes I sit here nude.

Brainstorming

2006-06-26T16:59:00.000+08:00

We had a company brainstorming session last week. This session is for us to voice out issues that has been existing years ago.

I stressed on 'motivation'.....

When your job scope, remuneration and other welfare are not clearly define you will lost motivation to continue what you are doing. Sometimes I'm lost not knowing where i'm heading. Working with a 'growing' company, where it is still struggling, there's no consistency..always trial and error. But how many times are we aloud to try and redo again?

As we grow....we do hope the company will grow as well....we hope the company that we are working at will grow ahead of us.

What? Wedding? Yes my best friend's wedding

2004-12-22T11:42:00.000+08:00

A few months ago, a friend of mine name MEE YEE called me on the phone for chit chatting. Suddenly she told me that she is getting married! She and the future husband has actually planned this for sometimes. She will sign the marriage registration certificate at the registrar on 31st December 04 and the ceremony will be next year May.

I felt so happy for her thinking she is the first among the friend whom will get married first. She said "You must come and be my 'ji mui' on that day". Of course.....of course. We chatted excitedly on the phone on what she had planned. She went for facial, keep fit, sleep early just to get the best appearance on the photo shooting day.

I'm so proud of her because I think she is successful in her life with a good job, with a man (her colleague) that she love, with friends like us supporting her..haha....And yet i'm still struggling with what I'm gonna do with my life.

....................................

A few days ago, a friend of mine name YEN NEY inform me that she is getting married too! Her news seems shocking to me (and I believe everyone) because there's no sign on her that she will get married so so fast. And she is even faster than Mee Yee. She is getting married on February 2005, which is 2 months from now.

Why is it so rush? She was rushed by the future mother in law (where she is a bit superstitious). She said, you have to get married now or after 3-5 years. Yenney was in dilemma thinking whether she should say YES or NO. But somehow she has decided to say YES to his man.

What now? She is busy busy busy...super busy preparing for her wedding. Imagine...say YES and you will get married in 2 months time. No turning back...hahaha...But I believe of course she love the man very much or else she will not decide to married him in such a short short notice.

I am proud of her also because she is always 'selamba' (whatever la..) on everything including her marriage. Is it? No I'm not sure but now she is our no.1 friend who gets married first. So happy that after she gets married, she will move nearer to my place. So I can disturb her.....hey.......auntie just married ar?....got cook or not....got do house work or not?.....

....................................

I'm here truly congratulates my both friends for their happy marriage. Respect them on their brave decision that change their whole life. Hope that their marriage will bring them a new happy life that last forever and ever.

Tragedy...2003

2004-11-18T16:46:00.000+08:00

Never thought to publish this story publicly. But I realised I have written this 1 year ago. It happens around this time...last year. Sorry it's a bit long but just to share part of my life.

It was weekend Friday. As usual, I took dinner at home when I was back from work. Picking up a remote control, I kept changing channel when I found nothing interest me on that night. Suddenly he said he is going out for a drink with some friends. I’m yelling at him saying exam is near, so don’t go out so late! He said all right and will be back soon.

He took my dad’s car key and out disappeared into the dark. I was still pressing on the TV remote. Thinking it was a boring night, so I decided to sleep a bit early. When I’m sound asleep during midnight, heard a familiar voice calling. It was my dad. He repeated twice to me saying “ Just received a call from hospital, your brother met with accident… is now in hospital, do you want to come with me?”

I jumped out from my bed. Still empty in my brain, I’ve changed into pair of jeans and t-shirt. Rushed to washroom, washed my face and ran into dad’s car waiting outside. Everyone was silence on the way to hospital. I guess we are thinking how bad was his condition. It was drizzling at that moment, about 1:30am.

Within 5 minutes, we reached the hospital. Saw a crowd of people, a crowd of young peoples. Some are familiar and some are strangers to me. We rushed towards the crowd, this guy said, “He is still in emergency room”, pointing to the other corner. At the same time, 2 of his friends came out from the room next door, walking towards my mum. Mum looked at them, they have blood all over the body. One of them said, ”Auntie, Wah lost both his legs, he is still in emergency room” (his voice was shaken).

We were shocked hearing what he said and rushed to emergency room. No one was aloud to go in. Doctors were helping fighting for his life. Mum broke into tears and screaming hysterically. She was holding me very tight. I’m trying to calm her down saying he will be all right. My eyes filled with tears and trying hold it back and not to cry. But tears still rolling down my cheek and wet my dry chapped lips.

Some emergency assistance came out asking dad to search for one of his cut out legs. One of the legs has crashed badly, the other leg was cut off by the road divider. Dad and elder brother went off to the scene to look for his leg. The scene is about 1km away from the hospital.

There are still many peoples in the scene, dad saw his car almost plunged into a ravine, holding back by the road divider. The car was overturned facing down midway plunging into the ravine. All glasses are broken and shattered over the places. The divider was cut through the car driver front seat where his legs were positioned! The sharpness of the divider has actually cut off one of his leg and totally crashed the other.

A trailer was helped to lift up the total damage car, so dad can look for the cut off leg. According to doctor the leg can be joined back if it can be found with in 24 hours (only if condition is not too bad). Everyone at the scene was helping searching the leg, but no one can find it.
Actually someone was already coming back with the leg. He was holding the leg with his hand riding a motorbike rushing to the emergency room. Doctor tries to clean up the leg and put it into the fridge. Mum was now seated on a chair outside the room. He was still inside. Nobody knows his condition.

After 3 hours, dad was called in to the emergency room. Mum wanted to follow, but was stopped because only 1 person aloud to be in. Dad is strong, he is very calm. Stepping into the room just to make sure he is al right. He was actually still self-conscious but he looked terribly pale cause of losing lots of blood. He managed to whisper to dad saying, ”Sorry…sorry for what I have did.” Dad just node his head telling him everything will be al right.

Doctor was explaining to dad that his condition is actually not very good. He has lost both his legs. Loss blood. They will try to arrange an operation as soon as possible trying to join his cut off leg, mend his wounds and do immediate blood transfer.

A major operation has been arranged the next morning at 9am. We have waited for him outside the compound of the operation room for many many hours. Finally he was out at about 5 pm.

He was pushed out from the room. Wearing operation cap, wrapped with thick blanket, he looks very pale. We saw 2 black plastic bags on the top of his bed when he was ushered out. So we know that the leg is not able to join back. But we are relieved that aside his legs, his condition is still not too bad.

He was hospitalized for a month lying on the bed. He is now a disabled person. No one in the family ever have good sleep, good food. No mood to do just anything. Only worried and tears take place. But thank GOD that he is acceptable to what he is now and seems to be positive.

But I know at his age now just turned 18, he must be confused on his long journey life. Everything he does now is 10 times more challenge than the others. Finally after a few months, things seem settling down. Everyone is getting back to their life, a new life. I’m getting back to my bored routine job. Beside having a new life since end of last year, I’m bringing to myself some acne and rashes on the face (due to depression, stressed and lack of sleep). Hope these ugly things will get off me soon, I wanna go on with my life.