Depression

Will I be depress the whole life?
When can I get a smile back to my life?
What I need to do to overcome the evil and the abusive mental?

I am tired, restless, and weak at this point of time...
Please give me some strength

曖昧

曖昧讓人受盡委屈
找不到相愛的證據
何時該前進　何時該放棄
連擁抱都沒有勇氣

只能陪你到這裡　畢竟有些事不可以
超過了友情　還不到愛情
遠方就要下雨的風景

到底該不該哭泣　想太多是我還是你
我很不服氣　也開始懷疑
眼前的人　是不是同一個　真實的你

＊曖昧讓人受盡委屈
　找不到相愛的證據
　何時該前進　何時該放棄
　連擁抱都沒有勇氣

　曖昧讓人變得貪心
　直到等待失去意義
　無奈我和你　寫不出結局
　放遺憾的美麗　停在這裡＊

一半

喝酒的伴 一起看電影的伴
早午晚餐的那個伴
朋友不能留得太晚 明天要上班
唱K的伴 一起去旅行的伴
聽懂我的笑話的伴
我的生活 只差那個人就美滿

快樂少一人分享 快樂就只剩一半
喝一碗湯
心怎麼都不夠暖
這張被單 這張睡床
再舒服都覺得太寬
沒人分享 幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填滿
節日卻提醒我孤單

沒有想法 有想法又能怎樣
只能寫部落格整晚
幾個留言安慰不了 心裡的遺憾
沒有負擔 原來也是種負擔
自由多得讓人心慌
你羨慕我 那要不要跟我交換

Lonely Night

Loneliness can kill someone
Especially when the night has come
Time pass so slowly like you are the only one
I just want to shut down
As I don't want the night to come

Can't figure out if I 'can' pass another day and night
Can't figure out if I 'want' to pass another day and night
When the day is here I'm afraid of the coming night
When the night is here I'm afraid of not seeing day

原來愛情這麼傷

我睜開眼睛 卻感覺不到天亮
東西吃一半 莫名其妙哭一場
我忍住不想 時間變得更漫長
別與你有關 否則又開始胡思亂想
我日月無光 忙得不知所以然
找朋友交談 其實全幫不上忙
以為會習慣 有你在才是習慣
你曾住在我心上　現在空了一個地方
原來愛情這麼傷　比想像中還難
淚水總是不聽話 幸福躲起來不聲不響
太多道理太牽強 道理全是一樣

說的時候很簡單 愛上後卻陣腳大亂
只想變的堅強 强到能夠去忘
無所謂悲傷 只要學會抵抗
原來愛情是這樣 這樣峰迴路轉
淚水明明流不乾 瞎了眼還要再愛一趟
有一天終於打完 思念的一場戰
回過頭再看一看
原來愛情那麼傷
下次還會不會這樣

To The Top Floor

Finally, I've shifted my stuffs to the top floor. A bit of privacy at last. I can have naked shower, windows to the outer world, wind blowing, stars viewing. Thanks dad for helping with the bed.

Europe Trip

Business Trip in September 2008. It's different this time. I don't visit the place as a tourist but as a local people staying in Germany and working in Switzerland. A wonderful and peaceful experience for my first time.

A relaxing weekend in Germany. Staying in a beautiful house located by a big green field. With fresh air, good weather and beautiful scenery. A house that is built and designed creatively.

First floor:
- 2 office equipped with pcs, stationaries and other office equipment.
- a retreatment/ well being room; for taichi and qi kung (it's very suitable for yoga and meditation as well)
- a theater room; with latest 3d sound system and a very very large screen.
- an exit to the beautiful garden; with relaxing couch and verandah. A pool with natural ice cooling water, flowers, trees and grass.

Second Floor:
- Guest room. I sleep here without any problem. Comfortable ..
- TV room; with large red sofa and a big flat screen TV set.
- Living room; with large black sofa set; sun shine through large window glass.. brightly light up
- Open kitchen concept and dining room

Third Floor:
- Private rooms with bath tub, sauna, laundry and room equipped with exercise equipment.

Breakfast with the most delicious bread, tea and choc milk. Spent my weekend working and a Harley drive in the afternoon. The rides is relaxing with wonderful scenery and cooling weather.
Visited the 'downtown' which is small, peaceful but full with friendly nice neighborhood.

Ride in a sexy and dangerous Audi convertible to work on weekdays is really wonderful experience. Crossing the border between Germany and Switzerland is never a hassle. Never a problem and both countries are the just wonderful staying close next to each other.

The best cheese fondue is here in Switzerland. Taste shockingly nice! And the best Swiss chocolate is just next door. Everything just taste as good.

A good ride to Luzerne on my last day with beautiful scenery although not able to see the Alps. But every experience I had is nothing that I can forget. Merci...

Discovering MySelf

"Ironically ironic. A little emotional but I'm a clear thinker. I don't like change but I'm adventurous. I'm indecisive because I'm a careful decision makers. Artistically artistic. I love to enjoy and create beautiful things."

This statement was taken from a horoscope website about a Libra's personality. I dont' think I trust things like horoscope, tarot, palm reading or stuff like that but I'm very curious on how other people or resource around the world talks about something related to myself. Not that I care what people say or think but the fact is I'm trying to discover myself. At certain points, I'm really as how it is being describe as a typical Libra. At other times, I'm just some nuts and weird stuff where no body or even myself could recognize.

Back at Home

I like a place where it is belong to myself. Size does not matter. A little space that is belong to myself. Comfortable with little furniture, mirrors to look at myself, windows to look at others, internet to look at the world. Fictions and novels to read others thoughts and imaginaries. Food and fruits to keep me healthy and energetic. Little wine to make me warm and easy.

I don't like mess. Messy table, room and wardrobe. I will took a deep breath and clean them all, sort things out and arrange accordingly. But in fact I have a messy room now that I don't like but didn't bother to clean them. I like cooking and food. But I didn't bother to cook. I like decorating house and be my own interior designer but I don't bother to take care of them.

I don't like crashing opinion with others, I don't like argument, I don't like doing things and living because of others. I will be procrastinating like what mentioned above when things and spaces available is nothing for myself. I stop to bother and leave it for others.

Back at Work

I don't like sitting in the working space without works to do. I will concentrate and do my best in every work assigned because I don't like failure. Success is very important for me to keep me motivated and move on. I like myself to proceed to next level and not stopping at where ever I should not be. I don't like routine job. I'll be bored and demotivated. I'm afraid of new task as I'm not confidence enough. Things needs to balance out in between.

Back at Relationship

Relationship with love ones, parents, siblings or any human being that I have came across in my life. I never like argument but I always have my own thinking and opinion that I might not tell. I need a lots of love but sometimes I can be very stubborn. I looks strong but I'm just the most vulnerable creature in the world.

Back to Work

The mobile phone's alarm strike off at 7am. I put it into snooze for 10 minutes and continue to sleep. Alarm strike off again 10 minutes later, and again and again for a few more times. I'm still laying on my bed. The phone fall down under the bed at last. With all my strength trying to safe it, I hurt my wounds. The pain wakes me up.

A lazy shower help to wake me up a little. Changing into something that looks like a working clothes, i then drag my laptop down to have breakfast. It taste like another boring breakfast that I used to have.

Driving along the familiar highway, listen to the channel that I used to listen. The parking still looks empty. Maybe I'm a bit early. Walking slowly down the streets crossing towards the building. Damn, the lift is out of service as usual. I walked up the stairs slowly.

With some pain feeling and out of breath, I'm seated down at my working space. Nothing has changed, only some dust, letters and documents left on my desk. Clearing them and I start to get my laptop for work.

It's good to see my working mates again. No one changed. They are still the same. Need to get some work and get myself busy again. Something is not so right but I need to tune back to my normal life.

Post - Operation (Part 3)

Many people came to visit in the late evening with flowers, cute teddy bear and chicken essence. They are very concern and asking my conditions. I chat with them, talk a little but I can hardly move because I still have the tube on my left for the drips and right with another tube out from one of the operation hole. The tube connected to a container collecting 'dirty' bloods after operations.

After everyone has left, I continue to sleep. The nurse came in to take my temperature and blood pressure again. She then helps me to the toilet. I don’t really want to move but she insists that I must pass urine. With my condition, I fainted in the toilet. There’s a few more nurses came in to help. They dragged me to a wheel chair and push me out. To wake me up, they keep calling my name. I did not respond. I open my eyes a bit after I feel them shaking me.

As I rested on my bed, I heard the lady beside requested to transfer into a single room. I don’t know why but maybe my cough disturbed her. The bed next to me is empty again...

Doctor came to visit twice a day. One in the morning and another in the evening. And he scares me at one time where he came in 12 midnight which I don't expect at all. I recovered pretty fast. I mean without much things to do just laying on the bed. I don't feel pain. Peoples only visited me for the first 2 days. I was pretty bored for the rest few days. I only talked to the doctor and nurses. Had some phone calls and sms.

Discharged on the 5th day. So happy that I can go back to home...

Still need to see the doctors several time for post-treatment and medication.